Notes for crit people
This page is unfinished and will have a complicated, CSS-y presentation in the end, here's a quick explanation of it:
- You will start on the profile page pictured below, currently it's a google doc draft so you can just see a pic, obviously the images and some description is not final
- You will click through to the blog, in which every single post is listed on 3 separate pages you flick through, and you click through each post which is its own offset for an immersive browsing experience
Underneath you can see the main page
Here is the audio player that will be on the main page. Please listen to the awesome audio all the way through.
Here is the content of the blog. The newest post is displayed first, and you go through deeper into the past with each blog post like a real blog would be formatted.
POST: don't come find me
Posted 29/12/2009
nd then i think about her again and the sky breaks apart into nothing but love, if data can be such a thing
the fibre-optic tether shatters and i am a floating point, rising higher and higher into the z axis
my mortal attachments fall away, the last ribbon cable drops from the hands of the dying ballerina as she gives up her soul to
HEAVEN
HEAVEN
HEAVEN
HEAVEN
HEAVEN
HEAVEN
HELP —
Don't. I know you're doing it.
I can feel your eyes through the screen, and I'm begging with mine for you to stay away.
Block this account. Tear your computer limb from limb. Forget me and escape this place.
I'm doing this because I love you. See? I'm doing this because I love you, I SHUT UP
I'm not even posting anymore, it just happens. Please, forget what you've seen, and then i think about her aga
~ River
POST: Feeling spent
Posted 27/12/2009
I just feel tired today, man. I know, right? What else is new.
The person in the mirror doesn't look like me. Maybe I should be happy, right? There was nowhere to go but up, after all.
But I'm not happy. My stupid computer is bugged, my stupid brain can hardly remember for shit, and I'm getting all these
thoughts
What do you do when you don't recognize yourself? Get some new clothes, I guess. Well, tried that, and it didn't work.
Kat's telling me it's alright. I don't know whether to believe her or not anymore.
I'm supposed to have the answers now, I should be satisfied. I've seen so much, but I just can't place it
Can't place… her.
I still don't understand a thing
And don't get me started about the longing. Even when you have love right beside you, sometimes you just —
No.
I'm just trying to get myself through this week, at any rate. I'll… keep you all posted.
I promise?
~ River
POST: Photos from today
Posted 20/12/2009
Kat took some more photos with me today. But I also took some more pictures of her this time, so here's that.
I'm not feeling too much like going outside lately. Even if there's something I still need to find.
[pictures of kat in a pretty level]
She just couldn't leave me out of the fun though. My love…
[picture of river with hir hand out to protect from the cam]
Ignore the camera glitches, it's been impossible to get them out.
My beauty seeps through the bytes, no matter how deeply I scrub. Why do I reject my nature?
…Or, or something like that.
It's been a hell of a lot of effort to even get out of bed these past few days, but I just want you to know… that I'm not holed up in my workstation all day.
If you care about a thing like that.
~ River
POST: Broken bones :(
Welcome to another day in the life of somebody with glass bones and paper skin.
wouldn't it feel better to just let go of this body? this mortal coil? sometimes i just want to take a butcher's knife and just
Sorry
I'm in the hospital again, is what I'm trying to say. Base Omega's hospital wing is pitifully small for what the base is, so I can't help but think it's rude of me to take up a bed so often. Might as well move in my extra pillow at this point.
Kat says everyone's here to help me, that I shouldn't feel bad for what I can't control, but you know what it's like. Don't you? I think everyone's experienced this in one way or another. Embarassment about needing help.
As for the nurse, he's always kind, but I can tell he feels stuck in groundhog day every time I come in with a fractured this or a broken that. The first time since my expedition in heaven, he didn't recognize me and I was able to feel for a second what it's like for medical staff to see you and not yet know you. That was only for a second. Then I opened my mouth.
It's not like everyone isn't kind. I just can't help but think…
i could be somewhere perfect
…home, I mean. Not… yeah, home. That's what I meant.
You long for home too, right? You never get over it.
That's what I think, anyway. You never get over it.
Isn't that right?
Sorry for the pity party. Maybe it's time to ignore me.
~ River
POST: Clothes shopping spectacular (not)
I don't have any cool piccies of clothes to show you if you're wondering. I'm just sitting here, thinking again.
What about? Glad you didn't ask. Well, anyone who knows me in person knows I haven't exactly been myself.
I'm here to tell you not to worry about me, but also that it's not like I haven't been trying to go back to the way things used to be. It's just… harder than I thought.
Kat found some hair dye. Thought if I went back to how I used to look, I might gain back some of my old… well, she called it "zest for life." I didn't know I ever had anything of the sort, but I appreciated the compliment. I guess.
Well, It washed out immediately. So I guess it's this look or a buzzcut, and I'm not ready to be Sinéad O'Connor just yet. Don't know if Kat would be into that, anyway.
Speaking of Kat, she says she'll love me no matter what I look like, no matter what style I go for or what happens. That a silly thing like that wouldn't come between what we've built.
I want to believe her, but I saw a pile of my band tees — ones I'd thrown out — sitting folded under Kat's desk for safekeeping. When she reads this, which God knows she will, I guess she'll find out I noticed.
I just feel like I have to change everything up. I don't know. I feel wrong, like everything about me has to be rearranged from the inside out if anything is going to go back to normal. Pants just don't do it anymore, you know what I'm saying? I've been drifting towards longer silhouettes, flowy things.
I went into a shop and got the most beautiful dress, like dandelions made fabric. It's in the opposite corner of the room as I write this, thrown on the floor. I'm looking at it now, like it's going to run up and bite me if I let my guard down.
~ River
POST: A shut-in weekend
I'm so glad I have someone to take care of me.
Anyone close to me knows I haven't been feeling myself. I mean, I'm notoriously the sick one of the group, but still. It's getting a little hard to ignore that things have taken a turn for the… weird.
Kat's by my side no matter what. That's what's important. And I need you to know that as long as I have that, I'm going to keep hanging in there. I have this drive to keep going, because I can tell I'm nearly there. You know?
If I can just get this done, then I'll take a break. A real break.
Outside of work stuff there's not much to say for today, Kat started a new series but I couldn't get into it. Too much in my mind.
When you can see a layer deeper… it's hard to focus on the illusion. TV screens become just light beams scraping on phosphor. You don't see the forest for the trees. I'm… not good at that.
Still, the sound of the TV helps.
~ River
[hot chocolate .png]
Thanks.
I feel like I've been typing differently recently. Is it still me?
POST: HELP Missing cat LVL11
Someone has to find this cat or it's going to be my breaking point
So this is Garter. He's a tabby with one eye missing so he's pretty easy to spot. Not that it's easy for him to spot you though. Ha. So
Doesn't really answer to his name, but you won't have any trouble knowing him if you see him.
[garter.png]
Please please please try and help me out here. He's such a beautiful boy and I love him so much. He even licks you clean if you touch him
~ River
POST: Database works continue
Just another boring day at base Omega. I'm glad everything is… normal. Keeps me grounded.
But recently I've just felt like everything is a chore. I'm more efficient than ever before, but it just feels like a slog every single day.
When you can see the data, like I can — run through it with your fingers like wet clay, it's really easy to feel all the imperfections you used to be able to just ignore. Get to them later.
What I'm trying to say is that our database architecture is absolute garbage and I just don't have the energy to fix it all.
[isle selfie.png]
Kat seems worried. Don't be, okay?
~ River
POST: Photos from Level 10 trip
Kat said I needed some time to breathe. Maybe she's right, I mean, of course she is — she's always right. I just didn't know if I was ready.
Wheat wheat wheat wheat wheat
You might have expected it, but turns out she was right. So here's the photos.
[lots of wheat and two hands poking out of a hay bale]
I'm… going to try and come back to this blog.
No more moping about. I just have to… go and get it.
~ River
POST: break
don't talk to me
POST: Breakfast recipe
Trying something new for breakfast
As you might know, one of our agents returned yesterday from a tough expedition. Friend of mine. She's
She needs breakfast. Something nice. So here's the recipe.
KAT'S MOTHER'S PANCAKES
You will need
- 1 cup of flour
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1 quarter tsp salt
- 1 tbsp sugar
- 1 cup buttermilk
- 1 egg
- 2 tbsp melted and slightly cooled butter (Kat stressed that part so I'd stick to it if I were you)
- 1 tsp vanilla except I couldn't find any of that because this isn't fucking Level Madagascar is it
- Butter or oil or whatever to keep it from sticking
Method:
I don't know what to tell you man you just mix it together
When you're done with that you can put some oil in the pan and make a pancake. Flip it when it looks done, like, when it's all bubbly.
If you really want to you can stick some fruit in.
Do people need this explained? I feel like they don't need this explained.
I put syrup and berries on mine. I don't think it's maple syrup, it was just in a plain tin can so I assume ti's like golden syrup or something.
[a picture of a nice plate of pancakes]
The above pancakes are for Gabby
[a picture of a really shittily put together plate of pancakes]
Those are for me
Yeah I don't really care about food aesthetics, it's all mush in your stomache anyway.
Kat says Gabby is doing better today. I'm… excited to visit.
With pancakes.
POST: ignore
Cén fáth sise
Ní raibh duine ar bith le dul ansin, ag an áit sin, bhí a fhios ag gach duine nach-
nach dtagann daoine ar ais as an áit sin
Ach… tháinig sí ar ais
Ach tá a fhios agam, rud éiginn i mo cheann- tá, tá an mothúcháin seo agam nach bhfuil sí an duine chéanna ná a bhí
Agus nach bhfuil sí ar ais le fánacht
A dhia
God, ná leigh é seo. fuck. just
Scriosfaidh mé amarach é seo má tá gach rud i gceart
Agus muna déanaim dearmad
Ach feck níl éinne abalta é seo a léamh ar aon nós
Gabby… tár ar ais
Agus fán linn
~ River
POST: Weird
Hey look at this weird thing
[picture of the slip.png]
Smells like flowers, but it's also a pretty musty scent. Just… weird.
It's the convenience store from where I grew up. And you see under it?
I love you? Who would… uhm… You know, it kind of hurts to look at.
Well, HAHA!! I'm TAKEN!!
I think this is just one of those… manifestations. You know, sometimes in this world you're just thinking about something really hard and there it is? Or something will come just at the right time to stab you right in the heart.
Well, it came at the right time for me, that's for sure. I'm feeling homesick as hell. It's always sucked here, but recently.. I just with I could go—
Not home. I mean, home. But that's just in the past.
And you can't go back to the past.
[the slip is ripped up.png]
~ River
POST: Just did a pretty as hell photoshoot
Me and my girlfriend (swooooon) just had an amazing day taking photos out on 48. Normally that's way too… nice of a location for me, I dunno. Uncanny. Like, it's close to normal so I notice all the more that it isn't. But with Kat? It's different. It's like I can really have a fun day at the beach.
And it's nice. I can wear a swimsuit out here and not have to worry about what people think. That's always a comfort.
Of course, it was a proper beach day and we did everything you would expect. Even brought a cooler but to be honest, I didn't feel like drinking. Kat though… Pfft
[photos in an aesthetic tumblry style on the beach]
Who knew all I needed to get a little confidence in this thick skull of mine was someone who can take pictures like THESE. Wish I could do shit like that
I mean, I'm a crackshot at photoshop if anyone prefers things that aren't real
ILOVEMYWIFE
Peace.
~ River
POST: I found a girl
Her name is Kat and oh my god she's so so so pretty and and I think she might kind of hate my guts but WHO CARES because she took her pretty hand in my, my hand and and she held my hands in hers and zomg
I HAVE TO NOT MESS THIS UP
GOD IN THE SKY DO NOT LET ME MESS THIS UP FOR ONCE
She likes cats and her fashion sense is dead cool and she even says she'll watch cartoons with me at mine IMSOEXCITED
EEEEEEEEE
Does anyone know where she gets those beads she puts in her hair? I don't know. I'm thinking of, like, making something for her, I don't know if that's a good idea or if that's coming on too strong at this stage but oh my god. I'm rubbish at this. Do I get her flowers?? I don't know. I'm so fucking tall. I bumped into the doorframe today and dropped all my disks. That's so horrible
Don't think she has a BackSpace but she might make one and see what I've posted sooo soooooo probably deleting everything from previous years on here. Ha. Yeah nobody'll miss that anyway BYEBYE CRINGY PICCYS FROM 5 YEARS AGO!! SAFE TRAVELS!!
Anyone got any tips for how to be less embarassed and a mess? Haha? I'm so pale
In other news the Database just broke 1000 entries. So that makes, to my calculations, about… 10 good entries. We'll get there.
Fuck me, fuck my stupid life
No. This is good
Someone come tell me this is good
Hope Kat thinks it's good
~ River
POST: untitled
[just a romantic blingee style gif]
POST: Medical nightmares continue
I don't know how open to be. I'm going to try, though. I think it'll do me some good.
My friends will already know this but it's absolutely no fun being in the Backrooms for a girl like me. Without my medication. It's absolutely no fun at all.
:sick: :tired: :sick: :tired: :tired:
Some things you just can't get here. I mean, not through conventional means. I'm thinking of turning to the… unconventional but even that requires energy I find myself utterly LACKING these days. You end up thinking about it and you just freeze in this moment, like you're looking down a mirror into the rest of your life and it's just the same and the same forever, never once with a chance of going back to the better way things used to be.
I'm left weak, shivering sometimes. The hot flashes are the worst part, and honestly, sweaty and tired is not a good look for me even if I'm kind of emo. There's a point where you just look like you're really, really near the grave and at that point… people in your life? They notice.
Doesn't mean your coworkers don't judge you for being unable to lift heavy objects though. There's always that look. The I thought the Backrooms would mean survival of the fittest, but here we are keeping a good-for-nothing sick nerd alive look. But of course, then you faint on the job, or you start to cry like a little bitch, or you sweat a little more than is considered normal and they lay off for a while.
Or you cuss them out when you get to your breaking point. Yeah, real smooth Annette. Real attractive.
I just feel like I've been drained by a vampire these days, minus becoming the hot pale protagonist. No sparkly skin, either — just paper thin skin that tears if you even look at it wrong.
On the other end of things I did finally manage to add ratings into the M.E.G. database. So hey! You can click nifty little plus and minus buttons to tell everyone what a shitty job we're all doing at keeping your average wanderer alive. Just try not to be too mean. We're all doing our best out here, and it just fucking hurts sometimes man it just
Oh boy. I'm being really edgy today, I'm sorry
Look. If anyone has the hookup on— well, I used to use the, uh, the progynova brand patches. But I was once on zumenon. If you've ever even heard of those medications just
I need some help. Okay?
~ River
POST: I'm just saying…
We need to look into leisure. I mean, as an organization, the M.E.G. should think of providing that kind of thing. I mean, of course we can come accross things like playparks and whatnot but y'know, heading down a slide that a human didn't put there makes me a little uneasy. I'm sure kids wouldn't like it either.
So, I raise the humble Level 37 as a fantastic opportunity for construction of a new concept. A water park.
I am deadly serious. We have kids coming into this world and we gotta make some place for them to play. And they learn to swim too! To get away from predators! Yeah, that's it. Sounds very reasonable when you say it like that, right?
If we could get a wave pool going that would be cool too. And food stands. Though maybe that would kind of stink. Let's just see.
I'd build the stupid slides myself… if I weren't so weak these days. God, I'm starting to feel the effects of this place, that's for sure. Just makes me feel all the worse for those kids.
~ River
POST: So got into the computer
[picture of a pc cracked open, blood and meat coming out of it. There's a bloodied axe next to it.]
It was meat
POST: HELP me get into this computer please thank you
So we got a new computer in today. Every once in a while when a new level is discovered we get a new type of PC and we see if we can get them hooked up to the network generally for database access and messaging. Then we can have people stationed out there and reliable communications — it's fantastic when it works, though to be honest it's a cointoss whether it'll work or not.
Always worth a try, however. Sometimes we even discover that the computers are dangerous, and well, that's information. Everything's worth a little investigation, that's what I always say.
Well, I don't know what they use on this previously undiscovered level, but it isn't any screw I've ever seen. Looks like I need a… 7-wing screwdriver? I don't think I can even jam in a flat head or anything. Tried and it just wouldn't turn, and I don't really wanna damage the screw so.
No luck cracking the software either, check it out.
It does start up, makes a sound too:
[audio file of a mac turning on sound, and then someone hitting the computer 3 times]
Unfortunately all you get when you turn it on is this
[a UI of a computer that says
HELLO
IS ANYONE THERE
HELLO
[password prompt][GO]
CAN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING
UNLESS YOU'RE HIM
]
I did try password and 1234 if you're wondering. Eventually it just booted me out.
[the UI now just says
YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING
GET LOST DUDE
]
So I wanna just get rid of this stupid OS by swapping out the HDD if I can just get inside. Of course, if we're gonna do this on every one, I'm gonna have to get in the proper way rather than you know… smashing.
So if anyone's found a 7-wing… no, sorry, 9-wing—
THEY'RE NOT ALL THE SAME AMOUNT
9 and a half wing screwdriver?
Screw these screws. Just, anyone who has found some surreal screwdrivers around the Backrooms, this is your time to shine so come over to Base Omega ASAP.
POST: Stoner adventures
Well not really. I haven't found any pot since I got here, which stinks. Or I guess you could say it doesn't stink. Ha.
So I knew this girl in school called Annabelle, she really wanted the nickname Annie but it was TAKEN. HAHA. Anyway she was this huge stoner and she was the one who taught me to roll a joint, and so I still got those deep life skills to this day.
Been looking for something interesting to smoke because that's what you do when you're in the amount of pain that I am and you don't have any… conventional medications. Or weed. None of either.
I guess weed is a conventional medication now? I wonder what's going on with that
So my next experiment is gonna be with this box of royal rations I found. They’re kind of wet but they do burn easily. I couldn’t get them to dry so my first idea (dryification and snortification) is absolutely not gonna happen but the gelatinous nature of the stuff makes it easy to do what we in the science business call a “Roley Poley” technique to “Snakeify” the rations into some kind of a “Joint” shape. Okay that last one is just a normal word
You might be wondering how I'm going to smoke a cigarette that's full of gelatinous stuff that wouldn't even let the smoke through. Well, it seems to firm up some when you heat it up and I'm hoping I can just poke enough holes through the substance that smoke can get through to the filter? And it'll be like, cut up bits of the gel so there'll hopefully be gaps. I dunno man I'm spitballing but my coworker says he's up for doing drinks after work and then we will be taking this theory out for a test drive..
:devil::devil:
Edit: don't try it my face my eyesashgaoi
POST: Where all the cats at!!
I don't know if you all remember the early days of YouTube, I mean, I know some of you clipped in too late for even that. But anyone who's been online back home knows that cat videos are where it's at.
All I can say is it's time to try and make our collection of cat videos better yet than any seen on Earth. We can do it!!
"BUT ANNIE" I hear you say, as if I'm spying on you with my secret omnipresent mind powers… haha "YOU CAN'T JUST COMPLAINS ABOUT OUR WEBSITE WITHOUT FSCKING POSTING ANY CATS OF YOUR OWN" Shut up
Because… I have a cat
[a picture of Garter the cat except he's not missing an eye yet]
Excuse the Nokia quality, this is actually pretty good given the circumstances.
LET THE KITTEN POSTING COMMENCE.
Continued explanation of the format for critters
- When you get to the last page of blog posts and scroll to the bottom there is a message waiting for you and you will be taken to a version of the first page of blog posts bit with a newly added post (13 years after the next most recent post)
- The newly added post contains a link that makes your screen go black and take you through an immersive experience of clicking through images that tell a story, inspired by the storytelling style of this lain inspired website (flashing and flickering warning! ours will be in a vhs-y style without much flashing or flickering.)
- If you try to click through to one of these previously seen posts when the new post has been added, you will find alternate versions with added content leaking through from Gaius and 404 that pervert the messages therein and hint at stuff, generally nuggets of extra info for anyone willing to explore the page further. We in the industry call this state "freaky mode"