Richard could have believed he was back home, for all his eyes and ears were telling him. A shaggy coat of wheat draped the horizon in all directions, easing the overcast scene’s silence with a morose and incessant rustling. As always, the polite silence didn’t last long.
“There she is,” Jamie began, that grin of his already activated, “I reckon this rock’s as good as any.” He kicked a large rock with a working boot unashamedly scuffed. He was right, this rock would do rightly.
Richard wasn’t an expert, but he moved to object. “It’s a bit low t—”
“—Mighty low to the ground though, isn’t it?” Jamie said, stroking his stubble. He bent over an adjacent boulder, lifted with his legs, and lo: the height of one boulder was now the height of two.
Wiping the sweat from his brow, he then unwrapped the twee disposable barbecue he’d packed for this occasion and waved Richard over in two quick swipes. “Today’s lesson, fire. ‘Bout time you learnt how to master man’s first invention.” As the tray of coals was dropped onto the stone, the plastic wrapper and bundled-in instructions were scrunched up and tossed away like a baseball. “Go long!” he cracked.
Richard just squinted and craned his head, following the sheet of directions as it vanished into the crop. “I thought you told me to sit here and look pretty?”
Jamie, not one to relent, pressed a book of matches into Richard’s hand. “Well, we can already cross that task off the list! But I ain’t gonna marry a man who can’t start a simple fire.”
“You can’t hold that word over my head like that,” Richard started, but his ears were already going hot. Was it smart to travel with a man who knew his weaknesses like this?
His nose hairs burned a touch. “Jamie, you don’t have to pour that much lighter fluid.” Jamie only returned a low chuckle – “I don’t have to do anything. Now I hope I don’t need to instruct you how to light a match?”
Amazingly, Richard did manage to fumble with the matchbook, a few sticks falling to the floor as the box was opened much too gingerly. “Alright, settle down – you’re not tryin’ to gut a chicken.” He floundered just a second more before finally striking a match. The warm light held in his hand pierced the gray, Jamie’s enthusiasm thick enough in the air to snuff the little flame out.
The air being one of kerosene and excitement, Richard moved quickly to ignite the tray of coals. Jamie lunged to stop his arm in its tracks.“—easy, there! Can’t light ‘er up yet. Gotta wait for the fluid to soak in.”
It wasn’t Richard’s to question why the match was being lit now if it wasn’t yet required. Jamie leant in to give the coals a look. “See, she’s thirsty. You gotta let her drink up before askin’ anything of her,” and, true to what he said, the coals appeared to drink up the fluid.
“Now she’s fed and watered, but she’s nonetheless a fussy thing – she’ll fight back if you ain’t careful.” he put his hands around Richard’s waist and positioned him further away from the barbecue. “Now, she likes her personal space. Keep your hands to you or she’ll explode — ust bring the match on closer, slowly…”
As Richard bent down to light the barbecue at long last, his knees began to complain. It was a strange pain, duller than usual? It radiated down his leg and he swayed a little, but he kept on his feet. It was time to focus.
“Atta boy!” Richard heard as Jamie clapped his shoulder – the fumes above the barbecue had caught fire at long last. “Easy enough once you get the hang of it, eh?”
He wanted to reply that yes, it was but his knees disagreed. As he straightened himself out, an audible crunch caused them both to jump a little. “Yeah, but—Jamie, my knees—”
Jamie caught Richard to provide a shoulder to lean on, but with another chuckle on the side. “That’s just cause them city boy knees of yours ain’t used to all this honest work!”
Richard laughed wryly, because that was the easy thing to do. It was what Jamie wanted, and it was much better than acknowledging something were really wrong with his knees – oh, and his shoulders too, it began to seem.
Jamie moved away as if to say alright, time to stand on your own two feet and put his hands on his hips. “Now, Rich. You tell me – does that grill look ready to you?”
If there was one thing Richard didn’t like about Jamie – and by all accounts there wasn’t, but still – it would be these impromptu questions.
Sensing apprehension, Jamie assuaged Richard’s worries: “No trick, honest!”
Richard couldn’t argue with that, at least not if he wanted to spare his city boy knees the effort. He looked down at the grill, mostly by rotating his eyes as his neck had all of a sudden stiffened up.
He studied the coals diligently. Each one had a coating of ash, and he was just knowledgeable enough to know that was a good sign. This time, it seemed more like a bad sign; if Richard thought everything was in order, he hadn’t outsmarted the question. Even the slight bend of his neck became too much – since when was he the kind of guy who couldn’t crane his neck? – so he gave up.
“Yeah? Seems good to me—”
“Wrong!”
“God damnit Jamie, what’s wrong with it?”
Jamie bent down – impressive! – and rummaged through the same plastic bag he’d sourced the barbecue from. “Catch!” He threw the tongs at Richard with no warning. Forgetting his pain, he caught it quick and let out a groan of instant regret.
“It ain’t ready…” Jamie started, lifting himself back to his feet, “Cause it ain’t got no meat on it yet!”
Jamie produced two slabs of disquietingly dark meat that sounded like penguin flippers as he wagged them around. It was marbled like wagyu, but nearly black in colour. Jamie had to press quite hard to keep the things steady in his clutches, as it was slick and wet on the surface. Where his hands touched the stuff, yellow stains like iodine were left.
He thought he’d hazard a question. “What is that?”
Jamie just shrugged. “Dinner.”